Last week I was in a fight for my future. Let me show you what I mean.
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to be one thing: an author. Though sometimes it’s faded from view like the sun behind the clouds, never has it shone brighter than in November, 2009, when I joined Jerry B. Jenkin’s Christian Writers Guild. Never have I known so clearly what God wanted me to do. He had called me to be a writer, and nothing could stop me from being one. I’d work as hard as I could, but I never doubted God would get me where he needed me to go. I trusted His promise to bless me as expectantly as a baby bird opens its mouth wide, eagerly awaiting the squirmy gift he knows his mother will bring him.
Little did I know then how hard I was going to have to fight to keep that dream alive. This particular battle began in front of a blank computer screen, a week from the Writing for the Soul conference I was going to attend. No matter how hard I tried, nothing was getting written. I found three magazine editors who were going to be at the conference I thought I could write something for, but I couldn’t escape my feeling of defeat as soon as I hit the “On” button on my laptop.
I did finally get some things written… the night before. I only got an hour and a half of sleep before it was time to get ready. Everything that could go wrong, did. Already exhausted, I got carsick on the way over, realized at the last second I needed to change my resume, and found out at the hotel I’d forgotten two of my outfits. I was in a five-star hotel for four days, so I wondered how appropriate it would be to re-wear two of my outfits. I already felt overwhelmed, but as I entered the biggest, fanciest hotel I’ve ever seen in my life, I realized I didn’t know what overwhelmed meant. How was I ever going to find my way around in such a place?
My mom and nana said goodbye to me on the 20th floor-until then, I never knew anything beyond a third floor existed-and I found myself utterly alone. Even the roommate I was supposed to meet that day had left me a note saying she’d be back in a few hours. Looking out the window at cold, towering skyscrapers hiding my view of the mountains, I was overcome. I went into the bathroom in case my roommate got back early, sat on the tub, and cried.
The actual view from my room
Some time that night the thought occurred to me: God must have something really important for me here if the devil is fighting so hard against me to have it. I even found myself thanking God for my bad day! I’m the kind of person who likes everything to go perfectly and smoothly, the first time. So I surprised even myself when I prayed, I’m not sure why, God, but thank you for not letting everything go perfectly this time.
That battle appeared to have been won, but it was only just beginning.
Fast forward to the third day of the conference, at a Starbucks with some new friends. Each took their turn explaining their book ideas, talking about their genres and what audience they were trying to reach. I smiled and nodded and encouraged, but I prayed they didn’t ask me. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like a writer. These ladies had great ideas. They knew what they were writing, and who they were writing for.
They’d been prepared for this conference. I hadn’t. They knew what genre they wanted to write-I didn’t. I felt like a fraud in the middle of them- a counterfeit in the midst of real writers.
Once again I found myself asking, What am I doing here, God? Who am I to think I can be a writer? Look at these girls, Lord… they’ve got it covered. Who am I to think I could have anything to say? I don’t belong here.
The group of writers. From L to R: Donna, me, Jessica, Jeannie, and Michelle
Never tell God you don’t belong in a place where He’s put you! In a way I can’t describe, God reminded me I did belong. He reminded me of Moses, a man who’d argued with God over putting him in a place he didn’t think he belonged-pharaoh’s palace. Guess who ended up there anyway? Stumbling, stuttering, fearful Moses. God reminded me He could use me, even with all my faults. In a voice more tender than the sweetest of love songs, He reminded me how much He loved me, even with all my faults. At that moment, I could have easily written an entire book on God’s goodness.
The fight for my future is not over. The fight over your future may have just begun. Fear will never completely disappear. But as for me?
I’m gonna keep fighting.
And I’m gonna keep writing.
Three things…
1. The first year: I thought that genre was an acronym (like: JON RA) for some writer term. Turns out it is, but not the way I thought.
2. The second year: I participated in DiAnn Mills romance continuing class. She asked if anyone had a watch. Thrilled to meet her I stood and offered her mine – completely forgetting that it was still on Missouri time – in front of the whole class! and the cute guy in the front row.
3. The third year: I sat at the table which Dr. Hensley hosted. After a good, long talk about writing aspirations, lunch, and the speaker I got up to leave for the workshop. However, I felt exposed. My pants were the type that zippered up the back. Yes, my friend, the zipper broke. Broke! People have nightmares about wearing nothing but their underwear in front of their colleagues, and there I was LIVING IT – well, practically. Lucky for me, I had a rather large tote bag and a mother willing to flank my backside and waddle down the hall. I was upset that I had to wear the same brown skirt I’d worn the previous two days. But the speaker had let out early so I had plenty of time to make my class, Dr. Hensley didn’t see or didn’t acknowledge my split pants, and I am able to pass this experience on to you for encouragement.
SO because of God’s twisted plan I’ve lived all three experiences – for your benefit. I hope your happy!
I’m am. Because no matter what the devil is whispering in your ear like: you don’t belong here. Don’t listen! Please, or all those embarrassing moments will go to waste. 
After reading this one post I can tell YOU ARE A WRITER! You taught me a lesson – and that’s what writer’s do. Lizzie, you used the word: squirmy – I could see the dangling worm! – that’s how writers create. You poured out your heart with your pen – and that’s a writer.
Ugh… and now I’ve proved myself wordy – once again.
Just call me pep-talk,
Brittany
Hey, Pep-Talk! Can I use you often?!
Seriously, Brittany-thank you so, so much. You’re such a sweetheart, and I can’t help but smile whenever I talk to you! (Be it over the computer or otherwise.) You’ve really encouraged me so much.
Thanks also for being brave enough to share your stories! But man, that’s a lot of pressure, all for my benefit! No, hehe, I’ll do my best to make good use of them.
I had a similar experience as yours with DiAnn Mills. Jerry B. Jenkins walks onto an elevator… hehe, waiting for the joke? Here comes… I’m also on it. Now it’s just Jerry B. Jenkins and I. I feel my eyes enlarge and my jaw drop as soon as the doors open to him standing there. I tell myself to pull it together, and snap my jaw closed. He asks where I live, I tell him, then realize he’s pushing the button for the second floor. I realize I’m also going to the second floor.
(Sidenote: It was only twenty minutes until a general session. Jerry B. Jenkins, obviously, was trying to hurry and get there on time so he could open the session. I was obviously trying to hurry and get there on time.)
(Also: my Writing for the Soul nametag was clearly visible, so he knew where both of us were headed.)
But none of that registered at that specific moment. Trying to be normal and make conversation, I brightly said, “Oh! You’re going to the same floor I am.”
I mentally slapped myself. Duh, he was going to the same floor I was! He was the speaker!
But I saved it by saying, “Whiiich would make sense.”
Politely, he never said a word-just grinned.
LOL!
I hope you won’t apologize for being wordy again after you see this comment- obviously I am too!
Thank you again, you were such an encouragement!
Lizzie, be encouraged! You are way ahead of the game! I always wanted to write a book but I ignored the longing. Until I was in my 30′s. And then, I just started writing without joining any groups or taking classes or anything. I didn’t know about active and passive voice, or any of those things. It was after I’d spent months writing that I learned and went back and fixed things. Man, it would have been so much easier if I’d started going to conferences and learning ahead of time like you are doing. It certainly doesn’t make you any less of an author!
We’re all at different stages. Most of my friends are way beyond me. If they aren’t already published, they at least have several novels sitting in a drawer at home. I have exactly one. Or they’ve been blogging for years or they’ve been in a critique group for awhile, or whatever. Not me. I always feel late to the game. But like you, I know God is leading and has a plan for me. Part of that plan was meeting you at the conference and spending time with you at that Starbucks, I just know it!
Me and you. We’re both writers. So just keep swimming! =)
~ Michelle
Thank you so much, Michelle! You’ve also encouraged me so much, and I’m so thankful for getting to meet you! I really do hope to get to know you even more. You’re so sweet to leave a comment!
You and I are in the same boat with always feeling late to the game. I have felt that way my entire life, with everything. So thank you for showing me I’m not the only one in that boat! It’s comforting to know when you feel alone.
Thanks again! Don’t be afraid to let me know when you need some encouragement, too-I’d love to return the favor, and us writers need to stick together! It can be a lonely calling. If you ever need anything, you know where to find me.
Lizzie,
I love the last couple years. I never had a desire, nor talent, to write, but He has instilled that desire and enabled me to do so for Him and i’m completely untrained! I just started a blog and invite everyone to come see what God can do! I am nothing without Him.
Is there any way i can join that Christian writer’s guild?
I found you through V.V. Denman’s site. Ty for your blog!
Len
Glad you stopped by, Len! I went to check out your blog, and you have a great start! That’s so cool! If God called you to it, He’ll also help you succeed! Every writer has been untrained at one point.
You can absolutely join The Christian Writers Guild! I’ve been in their program for a little more than a year now, and I would highly recommend them. They’ve helped me publish some of my own articles in just the short time I’ve been with them. If you want to learn more about them, just visit http://www.christianwritersguild.com. There’s a couple things you can do. You can just become a member for a small price, which would allow you access to the “Members Only” section of their website, give you discounts, and let you receive their newsletter with writing tips, or you can begin one of their courses which is an in-depth look at writing. If you’re seriously trying to get into writing, I’d suggest that route. Depending on how much you can afford and the level of time commitment you can make, you can take the shortened route of either Fiction That Sells or Articles that Sell, or you can commit to an 8 month course called the Apprentice course (which is what I’m in.) Either way, you’ll be personally mentored through email from a mentor who is a seasoned, published writing professional. Just click on “Courses” when you’re at the website, and you can learn more about those.
Please let me know if you have any questions about that at all, or need more info on The Guild- I’d love to help if I can! You can reach me through here or via email at thefearlist@hotmail.com. I’ll help in any way I can to help jumpstart your writing! God bless you on your journey.
I hope you stop by again soon!
Lizzie
hi Lizzie,
Something got omitted from the above reply. Comes with the territorry i guess =)
I think i meant to say between, “i love” and “the last couple years”, that i love your site. It’s very well done! And that i’ve been getting more interested in writing in the last couple years.
L<
Ahh, okay, that makes a little more sense, hehe. Thank you very much! I’m excited you subscribed, and look forward to seeing you around! Never be too shy to comment. I love interaction here!
You are the greatest to take so much time to reply to me at length! It’s nice to hear about your experiences with the Guild and with writing. Thank you for the informative advice, and for your ministry of encouragement. BTW, i found Mr Jenkins’ blog, and he may well be older than I. Hahahaha.
May God bless you abundantly,
Len
Of course! I’m always available if you have any questions. Did you get to the site okay? Haha, that must be what makes him such a good writer! Years of experience! By the way, I love your user name on here! “Gloryteller.” So perfect, right, and true for what we as Christians are supposed to do. And yes, I also caught the creative connection… “storyteller.”
Nice.
Thank you so much , you nailed the name perfectly, and you’re the only one so far. Not much gets past you does it, hehe! I believe that God gave me this name. Yes, yesterday my pastor said the same thing – that that is exactly at the forefront of what we are supposed to do! “Storyteller” could have a sort of negative connotation so i said “Lord, i need a good name” – soon “gloryteller” came! However, now the burden of performance is upon me, lol.
Awesome! Well, I really like it. Very creative. And I’m sure others have figured it out as well, they just haven’t commented on it yet, hehe.