When I first started The Fear List I promised to be honest about what it took to conquer my fears. The good times, the bad times, conquered or not, I’d let you know. Well, I’m sorry to say I have one of the bad times to blog about today.
As you may have noticed, I haven’t posted about driving in a while. That’s because I haven’t been driving. I have nothing new to report this time, and that’s sad. I have no victories, triumphs, or progresses. Just a big low. If I were to chart my driving so far this year, there would be a few spikes up, and a big plunge down within the last month.
In the last post I wrote about driving, I predicted what would be my downfall: the hard part would be sticking to my new-found committment and staying persistent. Unfortunately, my prediction came true. I was content with my little success and slowly watched the tiny amount of progress I had deteriorate. It’s so easy to get comfortable again and settle into familiar habits. I justified not driving because I had a lot of writing projects going on. That was important, right? But when you stay home to write, you don’t get out to drive.
I was extremely frustrated the majority of last month because I felt like there were not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done. I felt overwhelmed with responsibilities, goals, wants, and needs. In my mind, writing, driving, and exercising sparred against family and friends. When it came to writing vs. my family and friends, how could I choose one love above another? Then throw in driving and exercising into the mix. Two things I hate to do. But I know better than anyone how much I need to drive. And to be healthy, I needed to start exercising again. But it seemed like every day I had to choose one thing over another. If I chose writing, I had to sacrifice time spent with my niece. If I chose exercising, I gave away driving in the morning. If I chose time spent with family and friends, I sacrificed a writing deadline. It was maddening!
I know you’re supposed to prioritize, but each seemed equally important. I didn’t know how to choose. Anyway, I’m sure you can guess what ended up at the bottom of my list of things to do.
But now I find myself back in the same place I started. Still nowhere near my goal of driving three days a week. I have no one to blame but myself. But I do not want to end this year without a license. I want this year to be different. Experts say it takes a total of thirty days to form a new habit. I was hoping to ease my way into driving, but maybe I just need to drive thirty days straight through. An experiment worth a shot, right? I don’t know, I might try it. Regardless, it’s time to get back behind the wheel again. I’m dusting myself off, and jumping off the ledge again. Will the commitment hold this time? Your guess is as good as mine. But one thing I know: I won’t give up until I win this thing, no matter how long it takes.
Fear Tip: Find someone to keep you accountable as you struggle against your fear. Certain fears-especially if they have been entertained for a long while-are hard to beat, and you’ll need some backup. Even the most self-disciplined can find themselves losing if they don’t have someone to keep them on track. For myself, I have found The Fear List to be great in keeping me accountable and motivating me to drive. If I don’t drive, then what do I have to write about? Pride plays a part, too. To fail would be like falling flat on your face with everyone watching. I don’t wanna do that.
If you haven’t been getting anywhere on your own, find an accountability partner. It might just be the extra kick in the pants you need.