Today’s Phobia of the Week winner comes to us courtesy of Nichole Parks. Congratulations, Nichole!
You Know You Have Philemaphobia (the fear of kissing) If:
“Puckering up” strikes fear into your very being.
Those X’s Grandma lines your birthday card with look like threats.
You know better than Hans Christian Anderson that it wasn’t the witch that locked Rapunzel high away in a tower. Oh, no. Rapunzel had Philemaphobia and barricaded herself in from Prince Charming’s advances.
Movies with kissing scenes are more gruesome to you than Rambo, and you always cover your eyes.
Your fantasies of ever marrying are crushed by the words, “You may now kiss the bride.”
French kissing and Russian Roulette are synonyms in your book.
The thought of kissing booths at the carnival makes your stomach turn worse than a ride on The Scrambler.
First off: sorry guys! It’s been a while since I last updated you on how my fear of driving is going. I’m so behind I don’t even know where to begin!
Let’s see… the week before last I went driving twice again, which marked a total of five weeks I have been driving regularly! It’s such a small accomplishment, but boy, it feels good. It’s not a lot of driving, but for me it is. I don’t know if I ever thought that was possible-five weeks! That’s more than a month of driving! It’s kind of like a milestone for me-a way of being able to see progress.
Even better, my dad says I’ve made a lot of progress. On one of our drives, my dad took me to an empty parking lot where I practiced driving in reverse. I had to make figure eights around two islands. It was a little frustrating at first, but now I feel like I know a little bit more about what the back end of my car is doing and how it works.
My dad and I did the same “driving drill” once before, and as we were driving home my dad said I’d remarkably improved since then. Whereas before I was a two, my dad said, I had now moved up to a five on a scale of one-to-ten. That was really encouraging for me to hear because it’s so hard to know if I’m making any progress at all. I’m driving more, sure; but am I getting any better at it? My dad assured me I was.
I also drove my little sister to a friend’s house. Of course, she had no idea where that friend lived exactly, so I had a lot of fast stops and quick decisions to make, which my dad said I did very well on. Later my sister even came up to me and complimented me on how I’d done. I was very shocked. I must have done well, because it’s not like my sister to just randomly say something like that. (You know, sibling rivalry and all that. It goes against the rules to compliment your sibling, people.)
So all that made for a really encouraging week. I only went driving once last week, however.
It’s a little distressing because it feels like a step back, but I’m going to follow the advice I’m about give and not let it stress me out too much. I’ll just go driving three days this week to make up for it!
Ready for that advice? Here ya go:
Fear Tip: Have you ever noticed the slogan here? “Facing my fears, one day at a time”? Or have you ever noticed that when I blog about facing something on my list I always mention what day I’m on? Have you wondered why that is? It’s because the only realistic way to reach goals is to take it in small increments. You’ll never accomplish your goal if you go for it all at once. You’ll get overwhelmed quickly and defeated just as fast. Instead, take it one day at a time. Make your goal big enough to challenge you, but small enough to reach. Then, when you’re ready for it, make your goal a little bigger.
For instance, right now I’m driving two days a week. At first my goal was to just get behind the wheel. As I grew and accomplished that goal, my new goal became to drive two days a week. Now I’m feeling like I could realistically change my goal and make it three. I could have begun by saying, “I’m going to learn how to drive, and drive five days a week.” However, if I had done that, I know I would have gotten burned out and given up. Instead, I’m making sure I can realistically reach my goals until I get to being 100% comfortable driving and can get my license.
So set up realistic goals, and celebrate each accomplishment. It may be small, but every small step takes you closer to that end result. And if you miss a day like I did last week, don’t let it defeat you. Just pick it back up again tomorrow. Instead of looking at how far you have to go, look instead at how far you’ve come.
You can do it, friend. I believe in you.
P.S. Don’t forget to submit your entries for POW Competition II! The competition ends tomorrow night, Tuesday, June 28th. If you have a funny line for Philemaphobia: the fear of kissing, send it in! Check the post below this for more details.
Dude, if you’re that concerned about it, it’s probably already happened.
*******
POW Competition II
Have you ever wanted to write your own Phobia of the Week? Here’s your chance!
Beginning now until Tuesday, June 28th, I will be accepting entries for the funniest line(s) or joke to go along with the following phobia:
Philemaphobia: The fear of kissing.
The joke that makes me laugh the hardest will be featured as “Phobia of the Week #40” on Wednesday, June 29th. Send your entries to the email found on the “Contact Me” page of my blog with “POW Competition II” in the subject line. If your email is not addressed with that title, it may be mistaken as junk mail and will not be opened.
Please also make sure and include your first and last name.* The competition is open to anyone and everyone, so feel free to tell your friends!
Okay, readers, you ready? Good. On your mark… get set… GO!
*In the event that you send in the winning entry and would feel uncomfortable having your full name disclosed, please simply sign your entry using only your first name.
I am very excited to have Michael Perkins as a guest writer today! Michael’s blogs was one of the first I found on WordPress, and I have enjoyed reading his posts ever since. He has a refreshingly unique style, and I never leave his blog without feeling I have gained something of value-whether that be encouragement, something to think about, or a new perspective. You can check out that blog at www.theperkinsblog.net.
And now, please join me in welcoming Mr. Perkins!
Afraid of the Dark
by Michael Perkins
I’m 29 and I’m afraid of the dark.
I know that isn’t something that a grown man should be afraid of, but I can’t help it.
It’s so bad that I won’t take the trash out after dark. And if by chance I have to go out in the dark, I take a flashlight with me.
Being able to see my next step makes me feel safe.
The dark is the great unknown.
Often times we come to points in our lives where we have to step out in faith into the unknown. But we hesitate because we cannot see what is out there. We don’t know what’s next.
But as long as we carry a Flashlight we will see the next step. We may not see the whole journey, but we’ll see the next step. Which is good enough for me.
The next time you are going into the unknown take your Flashlight.
Are you afraid of the dark?
———–
Michael is a husband, dad, pastor, and blogger. (In that order.) Michael loves to show how brilliantly God moves in our everyday lives. Check him out at www.theperkinsblog.net.
On Friday of last week, I was getting ready to drive but feeling really unmotivated. I just wasn’t looking forward to driving and was really dragging my feet. I was dreading getting out there. A little while before we headed out, I received a package. The address looked unfamiliar to me, so I couldn’t imagine what it was or who it was from. Upon opening it, I realized it was from a dear friend of mine.
This image came from etsy.com
Inside was a little golden box. Curious, I carefully lifted the lid. Inside, I was surprised to find a beautiful key chain my friend had sent to encourage me.
Fingering each little charm on the key chain, the tears came to my eyes. A cross. An antique key and spoon. A bead angel complete with halo. The words “wonderful” and “beautiful.”
Could she have sent it at a better time? My heart warmed at the thoughtfulness my friend had shown me. She’d taken time out of her day just to think of something to encourage me. And what a perfect gift! Something I could take with me on drives and remember I was not alone. I had God and my friend on my side.
It was amazing what one little gift of kindness like that could do. After receiving the key chain, I couldn’t wait to go driving! I felt re-energized and ready to face the roads. I had the new key chain to try out, after all! More than that, the key chain was visible proof someone out there was pulling for me and wanting me to succeed. I wasn’t alone in my fear. Knowing that, I felt strengthened.
The drive was all town driving and went really well. It seemed like everyone and their mother was out, but when I started getting stressed, I just glanced at my new key chain for a quick dose of courage.
That same week, I also received a really encouraging card from another friend. She’d even included two little pull-out cards with comforting Bible verses on them. Once more, I found myself touched beyond words. Who am I to be blessed with such friends?
I’m still not sure I can answer that.
It’s been a trying journey sometimes, facing my fears. Hard at times. Rewarding at others. Always scary. But there’s something I’m beginning to realize: I am never alone in my fear. Never once has my God abandoned me or left me in my fear. He’s always been with me in the fire, and will always be present to deliver me:
But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, ‘Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.'” (Isaiah 43:1-2.)
He’s also blessed me with friends who love and care for me-who aren’t interested in judging me, but in simply being there for me. That’s a gift I do not take lightly.
For all of my readers, for every one of you who have prayed for me or left behind your encouraging comments, I thank you. With your love and support behind me and pushing me forward, it’s not hard for me to believe I can win this. Your love and friendship continually strengthens me.
Today, I don’t look at what I don’t have, but what I do. And what I have is you.
Fear Tip: Proverbs 11:25 says, “The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed,” and Proverbs 16:24 says, “Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” In need of refreshment? Try encouraging someone else today. Something as simple as a kind word or a small gift can mean the world to someone. When you’re thinking about someone else’s problem, it’s hard to think about your own.
P.S. How can I be a friend to you today? Is there anything I can pray about for you or any way I can encourage you?
The good news is: I went driving last Friday. The bad news is: it ended in tears.
It was kind of ironic, because the day before I had just written about how well things were going (catch it here: http://wp.me/p132LV-gQ.) For the most part, I wasn’t really scared. Like I said, I’m starting to get more comfortable and familiar with the car. I no longer have panic attacks about which side the brake and gas are on. I was a little nervous, but doing relatively well. I wasn’t in the mood to drive, but I rarely am. I’m not really sure I know what happened. We were in town, so I was definitely overwhelmed. We needed to stop by the post office, so my dad was going to show me where to turn. My mind was buzzing with a million things: where was the turn? What about that car behind me? Was I going too slow, having too many jerky movements? What if they were getting annoyed with me?
I missed the turn and had to go around for another shot at it. I was flustered with how uncertain and indecisive my movements had been. I came to a stop sign and dutifully stopped. I checked both ways and started out. As I started to turn, I saw a car coming. But for some reason, I thought it would be okay. For some reason, I didn’t realize that our paths would inevitably cross if one of us didn’t do something. Luckily for me, the oncoming car saw me and slowed. I didn’t realize anything bad could have happened until my dad said something. It wasn’t like an almost-collision or anything where either of us had to swerve or stomp on the brakes, but had the car been going any faster or not seen me, it might have been. After I realized what I’d done, I burst into tears and told my dad I didn’t want to drive anymore. And I didn’t. My dad drove us home while I hiccupped back sobs.
I wasn’t really sad. I was more angry and frustrated with myself. All the old doubts came back. What if I couldn’t learn how to drive? Why was it so hard for me? Once again, I could have hurt my dad, the other driver, myself, or my car. I shouldn’t even be allowed on the roads with how many stupid mistakes I make! That was just it: it was stupid. I had to have my dad tell me something really bad could have happened when I popped out into that intersection? I couldn’t figure that out for myself? It just wasn’t a good feeling. It’s not like driving is some kind of special talent. It’s supposed to come naturally. Which makes me wonder: what’s wrong with me?
I decided to quit driving for the day because 1) Tears make for blurry vision. 2) I was obviously not thinking clearly enough to be safe on the roads. 3) My mindset just wasn’t right. I didn’t want to drive. I was done for the day.
But then I felt guilty because I’d stopped driving and acted like a child. In essence, wasn’t I quitting? Was it important I got back at it right away? Would I be allowing the devil a win if I just gave up and went home? Would I be letting people down? But I just couldn’t. My emotions were stretched thin, and my mind was stubbornly telling me, “You’re done.” It took me a while to calm down, and it was one of the more discouraging trips I’ve had, feeling like I was right back where I started.
But I couldn’t leave it there. I’ve determined I’m going to learn how to drive, and this is the year my fear is going down. I am not a quitter, I was not going to let the devil win, and I know God is on my side. It wouldn’t be a battle if everything came easy. From the moment I said I was done driving, I meant I was done driving for the day. Not forever. I’d been hit, but I was not out for the count.
So I decided to go driving again on Sunday. I didn’t want my two-days-a-week streak to end, and I knew the longer I let it sit, the more afraid I would grow and the harder it would get to go driving again. It was hard, but I knew I needed a better drive to get my confidence back. I couldn’t-and didn’t want-to let my mind rest on a failure. The only way to get rid of a failure is to come up with a success! So I prayed for a better day of driving and set out again. This time, the drive went extremely well! God filled my heart and spirit with the peace only He can give, and I was only nervous when we first started out. We drove a lot in town again, and thankfully it was a lot more peaceful and less stressful.
Not much happened of significance, yet everything that happened was significant. There’s a song by Superchick that goes like this: “I have everything to lose, by not getting up to fight, I might get used to giving up, so I am showing up tonight.” I’d already won by refusing to quit. By getting back out there and having it go well, I proved the devil wrong. It meant I could succeed. That having failed drives isn’t all I am capable of. I am also capable of successes.
The war isn’t over yet and I’m gonna have to keep fighting, but I’ll call this most recent battle a victory. No person is immune from mistakes; it’s what you do with them that matters.
So whatever battle you’re fighting, whatever fear you’re facing, whatever defeat you’re feeling: you’ve already won. You are more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ who gives you the strength, and you can do this! You are capable of more than failures. You are also capable of successes. All you have to do to prove that to yourself is get up and try again, which is exactly the reason the devil is trying so hard to keep you down. If you get back up, you’ve shown straight through his lie that said you couldn’t.
Get back up when every voice is telling you to stay down. If you do, you’ll realize something: it was always possible for you to stand.
You are capable of successes. And that’s more than a “Fear Tip.” That’s a God-given truth.
Though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. (Psalm 37:24.)
This marks three weeks I have gone driving regularly, and I plan to go two days this week as well. Who knows? I might even make it three.
I’m convinced that fish were part of the one-third of angels that fell with satan. Why would anyone have those disgusting little demon creatures in their home with access to their children? They’re slimy, creepy, smelly, and have beady little eyes that watch you wherever you go.
Take heed: the fish apocalypse will come. And in those days, how terrible it will be for pregnant or nursing mothers. But those who stand firm until the end will be saved!* (Sorry. I just finished reading the gospels. Can ya tell? 😉 )
*This message was brought to you by The Foundation for a Better Life
Update time! Last post I wrote about driving, I had gone a long hiatus (don’t you just love that word?) without driving and was hoping to get back behind the wheel soon. I am pleased to report that the last two weeks have been better. I have gone driving four times in the past two weeks. It’s a small accomplishment, but it’s still progress. I am planning on going at least two days this week as well. I’m getting closer to my goal of driving three days a week!
Again, my problem will be sticking to the committment. I’ve managed to drive pretty regularly the past two weeks. Now I just gotta keep it up. Like the slogan here says, one day at a time!
Emotionally, I’m doing really well. Driving is losing some of its scariness for me. I feel determined and confident. Don’t get me wrong-I still get the hives when I think about driving into town. I can’t go into town without having my heartbeat double in rhythm or have my hands clench around the steering wheel like a woman in labor. Nor can I think about passing a driver’s test without wincing. However, I am feeling more comfortable behind the wheel, and more familiar with my car. Next I’m hoping I become more road-familiar.
There are a couple things that have helped change my thinking recently:
1) I was offered a babysitting job in the summer. To be able to accept it, I need to drive. After consulting with my dad, he believed I could get my license in time if I started working at it every day. I said I’d take it. Now I have no option but to drive. I’m pretty nervous about it, and kind of like, “What was I thinking?!” I’ve definitely put some extra pressure on myself.
What if I don’t get my license in time? But I have to. I told the lady I would babysit her kids, and I don’t take that lightly. I do my absolute best to keep commitments when I make them, and try to make promises I can keep.
Oh, boy-what was I thinking?!
2) Xochi Dixon’s guest post (read it here: https://thefearlist.wordpress.com/2011/05/16/guest-post-fear-of-trusting-god/) about the fear of trusting God really got me thinking. In all my fears, isn’t that what it really boils down to? Not trusting Him? It really made me evaluate myself and my fear of driving. Has God ever let me down before? Has He ever abandoned me when I was afraid? Hasn’t He proven Himself faithful and good? Hasn’t he proven Himself bigger than any problem I’ve ever faced? The answer is a resounding yes.
Then why on earth am I so afraid of driving? What possible reason could I have not to go for it with all I am? Xochi’s post helped me realize a) that I was not trusting God with my problem, and b) that I could. Thank you, Xochi! 😀
3) A long time ago, I was watching some show where a therapist suggested one of her clients write a goodbye letter to her addiction. I thought it was ridiculous and weird. Giving a persona to an addiction? Writing a letter to it? Cuckoo-alert! But out of nowhere, I wondered, What if I wrote a goodbye letter to my fear? Would it help? I didn’t know, but this fear has plagued me for so long I’m desperate enough to do anything. And the thought kept coming back. So I finally decided to do it. Here’s a sampling of what it said:
Dear fear,
We’ve had a long run together but it’s time to say goodbye. You’ve done nothing for me, and frankly, I’ve done everything for you. I’ve given up dreams and even my dignity for you. I’ve stooped for you and cowered for you, and I’m sick of it.
I’m ready to live my life, and I don’t want you a part of it. I’m going driving tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. And you can’t stop me. Because if God is for me, than who can be against me? I’ve had enough. I can do this. For, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Did you hear that, fear? All things.
Can I really start again with all we have between us? Can I really leave you alone after how many years we’ve been together? You better believe I can. So far it’s done nothing for me. Can I just walk away, without a backwards glance? Sure I can. Why look at what’s behind when I can look at what’s ahead?
Signed,
Fed Up
Surprisingly, writing this letter did a world of good for me. Which leads me to:
Fear Tip: Write a goodbye letter to your fear. Try to specifically mention the fear that’s been troubling you, as well as how it’s been troubling you. It may sound silly, but it’s a great way to get your thinking changed around. As in my case, it marked a mental (no, I did not become certifiably insane) and emotional change for me. Writing it out helped me sort through the feelings, declare a course of action, and let it go. It was a mental turning point. Saying goodbye helped me realize that I could and was leaving it behind. I’d said goodbye. Now it was time to move forward.
You can burn it up when you’re finished-but I’m tellin’ you, there’s a reason therapists are paid so much! Believe it or not, it’s not just the awesome couches.
You Know You Have Philemaphobia (the fear of kissing) If: 
The Fear List 